Mulberry mess!

I HATE Mulberry trees!  They are such a complete NUISANCE! They grow faster than you can cut them down, did you know they are related to Bamboo?  They can grow up to 6 inches A DAY!  They make an AMAZING amount of mess.   We have two purple Mulberry trees(that we DID NOT plant, thanks birds) and one White Mulberry, that we also did not plant.   The white one is just down right gross.  The berries never turn purple just a sickly looking white color, then they fall to the ground and look like big fat grubs lying there. Like this:

I don't think the birds even like them, because we seem to have a TON of these lying all over the patio and neither the birds nor squirrels will eat them.

You can see that to the left in the picture I've already SNOW shoveled some of them off, and the best part of all those nasty berries is, guess what it smells like when they start to ferment.  Yup! Like we have a distillery in our backyard.  DISGUSTING!  This is just the white tree.

I confess I did not take pics of the purple Mulberries because most people know what they look like.  That is the normal berry color.   The stinkin' BIRDS eat them and then crap great gobs of purple bird shit all over everything, you can't leave anything outside and if you do you have to wash it daily.   I hate birds as much as I hate mulberries, not only do they crap all over everything, but they have this annoying habit of singing at 3:00am when I'm trying to sleep.  On the edge of tree-o-cide....(I don't think that's a word, I just made it up bird-o-cide is next)