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Saturday, March 17, 2012


I don't "LOVE PINK", in fact I'm getting downright sick of seeing that everywhere I look.  A few years ago it was Aeropostale, now EVERYTHING is PINK.  Only it's not really pink, it can be any color w/ the obnoxious block letters P I N K on it.   Such as:
There is no pink at all on this outfit.  I get it, it's a brand name for Victoria Secret, but this is the dumbest thing I've ever seen.  How stupid are we making ourselves look to countries that don't have VS and they see Americans walking around in outfits that say "LOVE PINK" that are blue, or neon green or any other color.  They have to think we are the biggest idiots on the planet!

 I can admit, at first I thought it was cute, when it started, everything was pink or pink camouflage, pink zebra stripe, or had some pink on it somewhere.  THEN it made sense.  However I still thought they were WAY overpriced and wouldn't buy them.  NOW they are still overpriced and just plain stupid.   I love yoga pants, they are super comfortable, but there's no way on earth that I'm wearing something that says "PINK" but isn't.    I swear I'm gonna start my own clothing line that says "NOT PINK" and make it all pink.  Or have it say "HATE PINK" and then it can be any other color.   Obviously the general public doesn't care what color it is, only what it says....about them.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

What's that SMELL!

OMGosh!  You all know what it's BO otherwise known as Body Odor...or toxic waste.   I work in a retail establishment, I wait on customers all day.  I love my job.  I really do, it's not bad at all.  Love the people I work with and generally enjoy being there.  HOWEVER, there are those times I want to run.  I want to run because someone walks in smelling like a Yeti.

  I have one customer...we'll call her the backpack lady.  She's very sweet, very soft spoken, always wearing a back pack (Not wearing like a cute, slouchy back pack off one Like a school backpack) looks clean, has clean clothes on... smells like a guys locker room.   She has THE WORST BO, I feel bad for her, she always has questions for me, and I try to stand as far away from her as possible and it takes ALL of my power NOT to say:
I can understand if you forgot your deodorant one day, but EVERY time she comes in it's the same thing.  How?  Can't you smell it?  I know *heaven forbid* if I have BO I can smell it and I fix it IMMEDIATELY.   I have extra travel size deodorants everywhere, in my car, in my purse...cause euuww!  I know I  know...some people think it's causes cancer...guess what?  BREATHING CAUSES CANCER, sleeping, living, causes cancer.  So PLEASE use some freakin' deodorant, or crystals, or baking soda or SOMETHING.

The other day I had a mother and grandmother come in to buy some stuff for their son/grandson and they REEKED of cat piss.  HOW can you not smell that?  If I picked my clothes out for the day and they smelled like cat piss the first thing I would do is get rid of the damn cat and then I'd burn the clothes because that smell NEVER goes away no matter how many times you wash it.  Even her check smelled like cat piss...Euww!  I have to touch that lady!

Then there's the smokers...OK I have friends that smoke and they don't walk around in a cloud of "Ode to Ashtray", so I know it's possible NOT to smell like you just pulled an all-nighter at the nearest bar.(Bars of course are no smoking now..but ya know what I mean).  When these people walk up to the counter to pay it's all I can do not to gag. It's like sticking your nose in an ashtray that hasn't been dumped in years.  They must have been chain smoking, in their car, with the windows up, for HOURS!  GROSS!

Last but not least the bad breath crowd...I'm not talking about people who just had onions and garlic for lunch...ok it's gross but's the people w/ that smell of death that comes out of their mouth.  Oh dear God help me.  It takes your breath away, you just wanna pass out!  WHAT IS THAT?!  Periodontal disease?  Gum Disease?  What?  It can't be just because you have rotten teeth, I have a cracked wisdom tooth that is obviously rotten because it broke in half.. my breath doesn't smell like that.  I brush and floss every day BECAUSE I'm paranoid of having bad breath.  Do those people just NEVER brush?  Ya know it's always the people that want to get right in your face to talk to you or ask a question too... PLEASE back up..for the LOVE OF GOD..please... I'm Meeelllltinnnng.  

I know I'm not perfect, I know there are times that I've smelled bad, but I try to remedy the issues ASAP to spare folks the discomfort.  Its just common decency really.  No one wants to smell one.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

6th grade class trip to Florida? Wha..?

ARE YOU SHITTING ME?!  Nope.  I knew this sometime in the past as I have two older sons...but in my Mommy way and dealing w/ my CRS(Can't Remember Shit) I had forgotten.  Until.  My youngest son, who's going to be in 6th grade next year, asked me if he could go.  Talk about over the top.  The 6th grade class trip is going to Florida for 1 week, to visit Disney world and other locations.  Why?  I don't know, I have yet to ever see what the logic is behind it.  They go during spring break and it costs $1800 per student, and $1800 if the parent wants to go and chaperon.   WHAT?!  First of all, there's no way in HELL OR on God's green Earth that my kid is going to Florida for a week w/ people I don't know...yeah, they may be teachers but do you read the headlines?  I don't trust them THAT far.  Second of all, I can't afford to take my own vacation let alone shell out $1800 for my youngest son to go on vacation while the rest of us sit here and be bored out of our minds.  I believe there are 130ish kids in my oldest sons class, 38 of them went on the Florida trip as 6th graders.  I know this because I asked the principal, I was curious because I couldn't believe that anyone would go for it.  38 parents didn't say "No".

What is with this? Why does the school think this is a good idea?  When my oldest was in 9th grade, the band went to Hawaii, why? So they could say they went to Hawaii, they didn't march in a parade, they didn't play their instruments, they just went there for a week to have fun and came back.   The 8th grade's class trip was Cedar Point, this one I did let my kids go, it was only for the day and they actually had to do a worksheet for Science/Math while they were there.  We are from Michigan, so Cedar Point is not nearly as far as Florida, and the cost was pretty minimal.  9th Grade goes to Chicago for the museums..fine.

When I was in School we had ONE class trip, that was for the SENIORS, I believe it was to Cedar Point, I didn't go, I think I had to work or something..again CRS.  We had winter camp in 7th grade, in our own state, about 100 miles from home, we had camp in 5th grade also in our own state, about 60 miles from home.  That was the extent of trips in my whole school career.   I was ok w/ that I didn't grow up stunted or anything because my class didn't take a trip to Florida.  I've been to Florida 3 times, nice place, wouldn't want to live there. I just don't get it.

So I calmly explained to my youngest son, that "no, you can't go on the trip, it's too expensive and neither of your brothers got to go."  Life goes on.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Sleeping babies

I know I know...sleeping babies are the cutest thing on earth, yes. God made made them cute so we wouldn't eat them while their bones are soft...duh.  What I don't understand is all these pics of sleeping babies in stupid positions, or in mailboxes, or sleeping in stupid costumes, or in boots..etc.  Most of these pics have naked babies in them, WHY?  I don't want to see your naked baby, I have four kids, I've seen enough naked babies in my lifetime.

Like this one?  WTH?  The one kid is all folded up like a damn pretzel and the other one is crushing him/her.  Are their parents wrestlers?  Circus performers?  Why is this cute?

Again folded like a pretzel, sleeping? This kid is gonna need therapy to get over this picture, this is NOT cute, it's just annoying, why would any parent try to get their baby to sleep in that position just to take a picture?

This one, is just plain scary, are it's parents related to Hannibal Lector?  I was just joking about the soft bones thing, but really?!  Who does this.  This poor kid has a future on Jerry Springer I suspect.

I'm so sick of seeing these things, they're all over Facebook, Pinterest and Google+ I feel like it's a plague of sleeping babies in stupid pictures.  Most of these are professional pics, who would pay for that?  In my house if there was a baby sleeping everyone stayed FAR FAR away and was as quiet as possible, so the baby would stay that way for as long as they could.  Sleeping babies are like time bombs, you never know when they are going to go off.  While they sleep you can almost feel normal again, while they are awake you're back to hyper aware, destroyer of things not safe, robo Mom.  It is NOT a time to take stupid pics of them.

Friday, March 2, 2012

Some outfits should come w/ weight limits.

Ladies...please.  Do you look in the mirror before you leave your house in the morning?  If you look in the mirror and see this:

Then please go back into your dresser or closet and find something that doesn't make you look like that.  I was at Sam's Club this morning, buying a meal for a co-worker's family who's Mom just passed away.  I was in line, and all of a sudden all I could see was pink velour.  I tried to take a pics for y'all to see but my damn phone malfunctioned and I didn't get it.  You're lucky, cause y'all would need brain bleach to get that image out of your head, just like I do.  Girls, this poor lady(lady?) was wearing  a pink velour track suit.. no wait, HOT PINK.  It was too small, the jacket was crop top, and she had on a LOW cut black tank top..low as in; the girls are falling out.  The tank top must have been extra long cause she had it pulled way down over her belly flap that extended over the top of her hot pink pants (thank God, at least it wasn't bare skin).  She had on thong underwear, I could tell because her pink pants were so tight you could see the lines.  Now this is at 10:00 am!  She also had a little girl w/ her must have been about 2ish (daughter? who knows).  She was not HUGELY overweight, but obviously way past the recommended daily allowance for the outfit she had on.  Now the real kicker, the part of the outfit that just put it right over the top, the complete height of white trash fashion....The back of the 'jacket' had "Juicy Couture" written in multi-colored sequins!  Her hair do was a whole other story.  Now I want to ask you, who would look at their self in the mirror wearing that, and go, "DAMN girl! You look GOOOD!  Let's take our bad self to Sam's and get 100 pounds of cat food!" (cause that's what she was buying).  

Let me be clear.  I am not perfect, I do not have a perfect body, I do not have height of fashion expensive clothes, I do not claim to be a fashion expert. I do not give a shit what people think of me most the time..  I do however have enough sense not to wear clothes that make me look like this: 
Honestly w/ the right fitting jeans, this girl has a nice body.

I try not to wear anything that's tight enough to make me look like that.  First of all because it's not comfortable, second of all because I don't want pics like this of me to end up on the internet. I'm not a perfect weight, I'm a little more fluffy than I need to be.  I've had four kids, I do not have washboard abs, in fact I'm pretty sure my abs don't even know they exist anymore.  Do I have a muffin top?  Yes, if I wear tight jeans I absolutely do.   That doesn't mean I'm going to walk around in public dress like either of these pics or worse. I would NEVER EVER wear a pink velour track suit, at least not at my current weight.  Those things are made for girls who have amazing bodies, not for those of us w/ mediocre bodies. 

 What I really want to know is who the hell tells these girls they look good?  Somewhere down the road they must've said to their 'friend' "How do I look?" and if they have a 'friend' that told them they look good in that, that is not their friend.  Wouldn't your mother say something?  My mother would, in a heartbeat!  Everyone has a best friend don't they?  A friend that would tell you that that outfit looks like shit?  I do.  In fact I have several friends that I can just about guarantee, would tell me the truth.  I see this all the time, adults, high school girls, junior high girls, hell even elementary school girls, does no one know how to tell their daughter's the truth?  I tell my daughter if something doesn't look good, and if it's something she wants at a store I will not buy it.