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Sunday, January 5, 2014

Snowpocalypse? Winter Storm Ion...or whatever you wanna call it.

This is the beginning before the actual storm started.

So the kids are still on Winter Break well until tomorrow...or supposed to be.  However we are in the midst of a "blizzard" and school has already been called off and our whole city declared a "snow emergency" by our governor.  So the kids are excited, honestly so am I as it lets me sleep in a half hour longer when I don't have to take them to school.   Not sure about most parents, but I love a good snow day, we live in Michigan and its been a few years since we've had any good snow to speak of over winter.  We went out and shoveled the driveway and we had a good time, laughs and fun and it took hardly anytime at all.  The we went in the back yard and shoveled a path for the dogs since we have two small once and a lab.  Watching the dogs play in the snow was so much fun. This is our 9 month old puppy's first snow and she was having a great time playing in it.

I have to admit, I love the snow when it's like this...when winter has snow and fun, instead of mud and rain.  We've had some really crappy winters as of late, so it's nice to be able to enjoy a good snowy winter for once.

Saturday, February 23, 2013

So it's been a while

Still have that full time job, so it's been a while since I've been here.  If you've read the blog from the beginning you know that my husband was battling brain cancer.  Well he lost the battle on December 6th.  It was horrible, but he was surrounded by his loving friends in the end.  The last 2 months of his life were so confusing to me.  I'm not sure how it was for him because he was unable to make sense because of the swelling in his brain.  I wasn't able to attend all his doctor appointments because of my job being new and still being a temp I didn't get paid for time off and we're not independently wealthy.   So I had to pull teeth to get information from the doctors.  He had an incident and ended up in the hospital...his neurologists office told me it could be a week or two for the swelling to go down in his brain and then he would probably be back to normal.  While in the hospital he seemed to be getting worse not better.  I was so confused, the damn doctors wouldn't call me back, the nurses were clueless.  For 5 weeks of his stay in the hospital I had no idea we was going to die soon, that the end was so close, that he would never come home.   Finally one of the doctors called me back.   I was sitting at my desk at work and this douchebag calls me.  I said, "what's going on, where is he at, what is the prognosis?".   He says to me in matter of fact(heartless) voice, "He's gonna die."  So I said, "Well I've known that from the beginning, when are we talking here?"  He says, "I'd say he has less than  two weeks..."  Me: "WHAT!" I managed to get off the phone with him and then I went in my managers office, who also happens to be one of my best friends, and fell apart.  It was so surreal...after that I was contacted about hospice, I had to decide about  a lot of things that he had never talked to me about. It was the most awful thing ever.  He didn't have a will, I had asked and urged and so had his friends, but I guess he thought he had more time, as we all did, and he never got around it.  Hospice was much better than the hospital, they were very helpful and knew a lot more about what was going on. We have this huge family of amazing friends and all were welcome, anyone who wanted to visit him was able.  We even had a Christmas party in his room, and the staff was amazing. We decorated his room with Christmas lights, and paper snowflakes, and pictures of family and friends, drawings from the kids, it was beautiful. The nurses loved going in his room because it was so cheery.  Then nearly a week after the Christmas party one of the nurses called me and I was at work.  She said she didn't think he had much time left.  So I went and told my manager and left for hospice.  When I got there the nurse explained to me why she thought it would be soon.  My best friend Jamie came too for support, and then one of my other besties Chris, showed up.  It was sad, it was agonizing but knowing he wasn't in pain made it tolerable.  We stayed all day, talked about John, told stories of his life, laughed and cried together, the nurses were checking in frequently.  Then one of them told us it probably would be hours or less.   Chris had went down the hall for something and Jamie and I were standing by the bed looking at the pictures when he first stopped breathing.  It was just like a long pause.  Then he started again, so we let out a breath. Then a longer pause...then he started again....then  he stopped.  It was awful, and scary, and heartbreaking all at the same time but knowing he was no longer in pain, no more pokes, no more tubes, no more uncomfortable, made it bearable.  We called the nurse, they checked him and called the time.  More decisions to make, more calls to make...things happened fast from there. The funeral was arranged, a friend of my father in law was performing the service.  I should have asked to hear his service, but I didn't.  It was awful,  he didn't say my kids' names right, he talked about some guy John couldn't stand as being his good friend.  He said out loud that I had asked for it to be short and sweet...WHO DOES THAT?!  Most horrible funeral I have ever been to.  Then as soon as it was over they basically kicked everyone out, I didn't get a chance to talk to anyone...I was SO mad, still am about that.   It didn't feel real for a long time, since he spent so much time in the hospital I just felt like he was still there.  It has started to sink in.  My sons basketball team has started up and usually my husband would help coach, and he's not there. Life goes on of course, kids still need to get to school and activities, I still have to work, but he's not here.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Times are changing..

I was gonna post this last weekend, but of course I got busy with life and it didn't get done.

So last Friday night, I decided to have a nice bonfire in the back yard and a few marshmallows.  There was a time this would have brought all the kids running.  Not so much anymore, my big guys were at their dad's.  My son was watching some sports something or other w/ his it was just me and baby girl(she's 8..almost 9), OH! and our retarded, marshmallow, loving dog.  We didn't mind, it was nice.  So we sat and enjoyed the fire for a while chatted a bit, roasted some marshmallows, tossed a few to the dog.  Then as I was mellowing out, she was getting bored.  I could tell cause she was getting wiggly.  It was fairly dark, and the fire was nice, the neighborhood was quiet.  I was content to just sit there and watch the logs burn.  Finally she asked me, "Mom..can I play w/ your phone?"  I figured, what the heck, I don't let her use it very often, no big deal, so I handed it to her.  She says, "Ya got any games on this thing?".  It's fairly new and I don't really like games, so no I don't have any games.  Then she decided to go on Twitter and figured that out.  She was off in phone la la land, happily amusing herself quietly beside me. I enjoyed the fire, she enjoyed the company and the electronics and we coexisted.  I sat there thinking to myself, "I never would have pictured this when I was a kid"   Really, sitting in my back yard letting my 9 yr old play w/ a cell phone that was smaller than my hand, fits in my pocket, doesn't require a "BAG" to carry it around because it weighs 12 pounds, didn't cost me $4000, AND has the internet w/o being plugged in.  WOW!  Culture shock.  When I was her age I would have just been content to sit and watch the fire.  Things were simpler, slower...we didn't have to go go go all the time.  Maybe it was just because I was a kid, maybe it still felt hectic to my Mom, I don't know.  We didn't have all day kids programming, if you missed cartoons when they were on, you missed them, we didn't have DVR's, hell we didn't even have cable cause we lived to far out of town.  We lived on a lake, we had bikes, my girlfriend had horses, we were busy having fun, being kids.  Life is so much different for kids now.  They'll never have to open an encyclopedia or a dictionary, you can find all that online.  You never have to miss your favorite show, and heck if by some chance you did, they'll rerun it so many times you'll be sick of it.  You don't have to worry about talking on the phone somewhere the cord doesn't reach (we still have a land line, but cordless phones of course).  One of the BIGGEST things when I was a kid was to have a phone in your room, hell now ya just walk it right in there, no big deal.  Ours even work outside.  You don't have to leave your house to rent a movie, you don't have to rent a VCR to watch it LOL (ever do that? we did!).  No one cares about going to the arcade, cause you just play video games at your house.  You don't need to ask for directions to anywhere just look it up on your phone, and it will take you there.  SO many more things, it's just amazing how fast it all changes.  You know when your a kid and your parents or other adults say things like, "In a flash you'll be a grown up, time goes by so fast" and you laugh it off, SURE I will.. It's so true.  You blink and the week is over, blink again and it's been a year.  My oldest son turned 18 in July, the middle one is 15, the youngest son is 10 almost 11, and baby girl will be 9, another year of school starts on Tuesday, where did the time go?  Tonight, if it's not raining, you'll find me sitting by the fire, trying to hold on to one more night while time flies by.

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Life can be exhausting.

Holy shit!  OK I have to give a GREAT big hand to all the full time working Moms out there.  You ladies are incredible.  I don't know how you do it.  I've now been working full time for 2 and a half weeks.  This is HARD! I had no idea, I worked part time for a few years, it's hard but not too bad.

  Full time is "OMG when the fuck do I get anything done?! "  I'm lucky to have an 8 to 5 job and no weekends.  However my husband can't drive because of his brain cancer, and I have four kids.  So as soon as I get home the running starts, if I'm lucky the hubs has cooked dinner, and I can grab some bit of it on my way back out the door.  I usually finally get home from all the shit I have to do after work, around 9 pm each night.  Then, while I AM tired, I don't want to go to bed, I just want to chill for a while, so I end up stay up to 11:30/12:00.  THEN I have to turn around and get up at 6:00 am to do it all over again the next day.  STUPID!  I just need to learn to go to bed but I don't want to!

I used to get groceries on Monday mornings, now if I don't go on the weekend I have to go after work.  I don't even like shopping in the first place!  Why can't they just deliver like the pizza place?  I have to make important phone calls on lunch, and everyone I'm trying to call is on lunch so it's a phone tag of epic proportions.  The house is a wreck, the laundry gets done on an 'as I need clothes for work' basis, and the kids and hubs are laying around doing nothing but jack shit all day long.  That's about to change.  They are going to think they just hit an episode of Wife Swap, cause it's time for MY RULES and everyone has to play.

I need a weekend from my weekend, I think we all should have mandatory 2 weeks vacation every month!  Don't get me wrong I'm THANKFUL to have a job I like it, and I NEED it, but it's taking some getting used to.  For those of you that have been doing it for years, I had no idea, you really are SUPER MOMS!  So drink an extra margarita and take a nap, it's Sunday!

Thursday, July 12, 2012

I got a job!

Hell to the Yeah!
I got a job, I can't tell you how excited I am to get OUT of my house for 9 hours a day!  It's also at a company that a good friend of mine works at, so bonus I already know someone there.  My coworkers all seem pretty cool (time will tell, you know how an office full of women can be), the job is not to hard, yet still challenging I think it'll be great.  It was sorely needed w/ the hubs and Disability and no health insurance, it was going downhill fast, I've been looking and then my friend mentioned this job.  Hallelujah!!  A few interviews later and I got the call!  I'm so thrilled! 

I started last Thursday, and it's pretty good.  Few things I gotta mention.  It's an office job so a LOT of sitting, which is actually making my body hurt.  Let's not get confused, I'm no stranger to sitting and my derriere has PLENTY of padding, but it's usually not in an office chair or for that long.  I'm a Mom of four, I'm always moving, I sit at my desk, or on the floor in the living room, sometimes the Lay Z Boy if I'm lucky, though if I sit there it seems like open invitation for all the children to pile on to me.  I'm always up and running to do a load of laundry, clean up a mess, check the pool filter, water the garden...SOMEthing.  This is a full time job, I haven't actually worked a full time job, I think EVER(well besides being a Mom).  Maybe a full time week or two during different jobs, but not consistently.  I've been a SAHM twice, and worked part time jobs on and off over the years.  It sure takes some getting used to.

I've never been one to take showers first thing in the morning, more like a mid morning chore.  I also don't like going to bed w/ wet hair.  Now I have no choice it's one or the other, so morning gets it.  That means I have to get up earlier.  Which is technically no problem as I'm a morning person anyway, but I like to get up early and just CHILL, not do anything but listen to the quiet.  Now I actually have to get myself around and get the day figured out, make my lunch, start the pool filter, water the flowers and get moving.  What are the kids doing, do they need a ride anywhere, does the hubs have a doc appointment??? I feel like my head is spinning.  Oh and guess what?  You can't do anything w/ any business at all,  unless you call on your lunch hour, which hopefully isn't also their lunch hour, it kinda sucks.  I feel bad that the kids are home all day w/ their dad and nothing to do.  He can't drive so he can't take them anywhere, and he's such a pain in the ass, that I know they aren't having a good time.  Oh well, sooner than ya know school will start and they'll be back w/ their friends all day.  

Not only that, but I still have all the other household crap to do that I always do.  This does not make life easy.  THEN this weekend is my daughter's Pom/Baton Nationals, so I keep getting assigned tasks to do in the evening for the teams.  I can't wait til Nationals is over, this is TOO much!  I just want to come home from work and relax for once.  

I don't know how my Mom did it, I'd type some more, but I can't keep my eyes open.  Good night.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Rotten kids, it's not just for buses anymore...

Have you seen the Bus Monitor video?

Veruca Salt from Charlie and the Chocolate factory.
If you haven't seen the video, you should really watch it.  It's a PERFECT picture of how ROTTEN kids can be.  These kids are assholes as are their parents for raising them this way.    If they treat an adult this bad, imagine how they treat each other?  I'm 38 years old, and have lived through this shit.  When I was in middle/high school I was teased unmercifully, I had acne, and I was one of the first girls in my class to get big boobs.  I would wait to get off the bus to cry, I cried at night, I contemplated suicide but even then, I didn't really think hard about it.  I had friends, and a good home, and a great Mom, I knew I was loved...but what would have happened if I didn't have that support at home?  A LOT of that teasing was done on the bus, but it happened at school too.  If you ever wonder why these poor kids commit suicide you only need to watch that video.  They made a GROWN WOMAN CRY, she's an adult, she knows they are just punk kids, she knows it really holds no weight for her, and still it made her cry.   When you're that age, other kids opinions of you is basically your world, you are constantly trying to keep up and fit in.  Should it be that way? Hell no, but it is.  Have you ever watched the movie "Mean Girls"  if not you should, it's so true.  I love that movie, I love the way she gets them all back at the end, but how many times in real life does that actually happen?  I don't know of any, eventually if you ignore them long enough they will find someone else to pick on, if you're lucky.  Or some teens take what they think is the last resort, and kill sad.   I think it's great the outpouring of love and support for Karen, however how many people/children have died/killed themselves over the same treatment and gone unnoticed, or unsupported?  

Bullying laws?  Really?  You know if someone from the past were to look into this they'd be laughing.  How did kids get so spoiled rotten that they can get away w/ this shit and we have to have LAWS against it?  I'm not saying these things didn't happen then, but SOMETHING would have been done and in a hurry.  This doesn't just happen on the bus, it happens at school, to the teachers, bus drivers and they can do NOTHING.  They are taught not to respond and send the kid to the office.  What if the kid won't go to the office?  Teachers NEED something, they need to have some sort of good punishment for these assholes, community service or SOMEthing.   No wonder we have schools full of shitty teachers, if I had to live through what they do everyday, I'd be a bitch too.  Bullying taught me to be a bitch, trust no one, don't give a shit what other people think, and that I have thick skin, blotchy or not.  

My principal had a paddle on the wall in his office.  I don't know if he ever used it, but we knew he would if he had to.  Do I want someone else paddling my kid? NO!  But if I teach my kids right from wrong, I shouldn't have to worry about it.  It's the people who count on society to raise their little assholes, those are the people's kids who will get paddled by someone else, because their parents don't care enough to discipline them. For example this article about a 10 yr kid getting punched by an adult because he was being too noisy and throwing popcorn at the man and his girlfriend.  Did that man get any support?  Nope, he got charged w/ Second degree assault and the whole U.S. was crying over the little douche bag getting punched.  I bet that kid will never act up in a theater again.  Do I think it's right? No, but who else is going to punish the kid?  Who drops off a 10 yr old w/ his friends to a PG-13 movie and leaves?  If you don't know your kid can behave in public w/o you, then you better not be leaving them.  Isn't that abandonment?  Where I live your kids have to be 12 yrs old to leave them alone somewhere, WTH?  No, this guy didn't get any support and he'll probably get sued by the parents because he hurt their poor little douche bag child. 

   There are still some good kids out there, that have good parents that don't let them act like assholes, too bad we're a dying breed.  If your kid yells at you,  swears in front of you, screams until they get what they want, does whatever the hell they want no matter what you say...your kid is probably an asshole.  If they will treat you that way, what's to stop them from treating ANYone else that way?  At least the little douche bags recorded it and got caught, how many other instances go unrecorded?

Thursday, June 14, 2012

There are days I hate air conditioning!

Today is one of those days!
I was sitting outside reading the rest of a good book on my Nook (Through a Glass Darkly...pretty good).  PERFECT night about 75 degrees, no humidity, sun is slowly sinking, no wind, not too hot, not too cold, just lovely.  Ahhh...for once the kids and the hubs are leaving me alone, I can't believe it, and I'm not sure it's safe to go inside and find out why, but it was so peaceful.  One of those rare moments as a parent of four.  

I get to the end of my book, and it's getting darker, so I decide to go in.  I walk in the door and it's colder INside my house than the perfect temp OUTside my house.  This INSTANTLY pisses me off (hence the "Mommy on the Edge" it doesn't take much) so I march over to the thermostat to see what it's set at.   The gauge says it's set at 70 degrees.  WHAT. THE. HELL.!!??  This is the second time in a week my husband has messed w/ it, it wasn't even that hot today, the high was 81, there is NO reason to even turn it on.  So I give him the look of death and say, between my know what I mean..real evil-like.."I swear to God if that is set lower than 74 degrees again this summer I will take it OFF the wall!!!"  and stomp away.  I will.  He is not mechanical AT ALL and I can fix just about anything.  I installed it, I shall take it away.  MAN I hate that!  I just got  the electric bill from last month at $210 HOLY SHIT!  I can't afford that kind of bill.  He'll be lucky if I don't take if off the wall anyway.  It wasn't even on all month, just a few days here and there, between that and SOMEone leaving the hose leaking for 3 days (yeah water and electric on the same bill..we're so blessed) it added up.

Overall I don't like A/C anyway, I hate walking around my house in the summer and seeing the kids wrapped in blankets to watch a movie, or sleeping in winter pajamas or my feet feeling like icicles.  It's summer for Christ's sake, sleep in a T-shirt!  Enjoy the warmth, because this is Michigan and we will be plunged back into darkness and cold before you know it!  I should NOT have to walk outside to get warm.  The ONLY time it's tolerable is when it's 85 or above and high humidity, even then there's NO reason for it to be set lower than 74.  I hate being cold.