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Monday, January 30, 2012

No place is sacred.

I have four kids, I've known this for years, but my daughter likes to remind me on a daily basis.  My sons,..thank GOD no longer walk in on me, nor I them, as I'm sure we would all need some SERIOUS brain bleach and therapy after one of those episodes since they are 17, 14 and 10.  However my daughter, who's 8, sees no reason, ZERO reason why that bathroom door should stop her if I'm in there.  After all, "we're both girls, so it doesn't matter.." according to her.  Sometimes she'll come in to talk to me when I'm taking a crap, ya know because that's where people talk, and she'll say, "euww you stink".  I tell her "then why don't  you GET OUT, I didn't invite you in."  When all the kids were little I didn't even bother closing the door, so obviously to her it's still an open door policy.

So, I'm in the shower the other day, and as I was walking toward the bathroom I noticed she was getting ready to play a computer game.  One that she's played before and needs her username and password for...which I thought she'd written down.  Anyway..I'm in the shower, bathroom door is shut( I know fucking irresistible I might be having a great party in there, by myself, in the shower), I here her barge in..."Mom! What's the password for your email?".  
Me: "Why?"
Her: " I can't remember my password for so I had it emailed to you"
Me: "You're just going to have to wait til I get out, I'm not giving you my password" (Not even if Hell actually froze over dear)
Me: "isn't it (*&*)(*& or &%^$^%&%^" 
Her: "I'm not sure I'll go check"
I continue washing my hair, blah blah blah, 2 minutes later, she barges in again.
"Mom! How do you spell bruise?"
Me: "B R U I S E" ( I think to myself, which your going to acquire if you keep coming in here *not for real of course for all the freaks out there who like to tell people how to parent*)
3 minutes later, "Mom! how much longer are you going to be in there, cause I don't know the password and I can't get into your email?"
Me:  "I'll get out when I'm (Goddamned) good and ready quit buggin' me!" I actually didn't say that swear word out loud but it sounded REALLY good in my head.
I get to finish my shower after that w/o anymore company, ya know the whole two minutes I had left after this whole conversation.  I get out wrap up in a towel and head out to help her w/ the damnedable password issue.  Notice that she's not only logged into said game, but is of course playing away, hence no more disturbances.  So I asked her if she remembered the password, she said, "Nope, you left your computer logged into your email so I just check it on there."  I was all GRRrrrr!  She says, "What??(shoulder shrug)..I didn't mean to, I typed in gmail and it just popped up, so I figured I'd just check it and not bother you."  Hmmm, little snot!  I guess it's a good thing it wasn't BEFORE Christmas when all the shipping confirmation emails were coming in.  MUST remember NOT to leave PC logged in when I walk away. 


  1. UGH!!!!! I hear ya, I never get to shower or poop in peace either.

  2. I swear to GOD, I'm building a damn outhouse and not telling a single flipping underaged soul in this house about it! It may be a cold crap but it least I will be cold in solitude!

    1. That's not a bad extension cord and a space heater and silence. :D

  3. And this, my friend, is why I lock myself in the bathroom and turn on the fan. Then I act like I can't hear them when they knock.

    1. They know how to open the darned lock...I need a deadbolt!