SERIOUSLY Proud

Nationals 2011

My baby girl just nabbed the spotlight on her baton team tonight!  

She's been doing baton solos at competitions now for two years, she works pretty hard at it, and her new solo has a ton of tricks that get harder and harder every year.  For a while now she has been trying to catch a one spin.  For those out of the loop it means she has to toss the baton ~spinning~ in the air and spin her body one complete revolution and catch it as it comes down.  Seems simple right?  Well it's SO not, sometimes it goes too far away to catch it, sometimes it comes down and hits her if she's not paying attention, there are a LOT of variables here.  The girls that can do it make it look so darned easy.  It looks like anyone could do it, throw it up spin and catch...uh huh..No.  I tried it, now I never did baton as a kid or as anything else.  I tossed it up, spun around, landed on my ass and the baton hit me in the arm.  Not graceful at all.  

Anyway, tonight her team was practicing for the upcoming competition and they were finishing up their routine.  The girls all make a circle around my daughter in the middle and then she does her one spin AND SHE CAUGHT IT!!!! Several times!  I was so excited, she was so excited, her coach was so excited, it was AWESOME.  She's thrilled about it, and can't wait for the next practice.  Hallelujah!  Finally after all the blood, sweat and tears.  WTG Baby girl!  

No place is sacred.

I have four kids, I've known this for years, but my daughter likes to remind me on a daily basis.  My sons,..thank GOD no longer walk in on me, nor I them, as I'm sure we would all need some SERIOUS brain bleach and therapy after one of those episodes since they are 17, 14 and 10.  However my daughter, who's 8, sees no reason, ZERO reason why that bathroom door should stop her if I'm in there.  After all, "we're both girls, so it doesn't matter.." according to her.  Sometimes she'll come in to talk to me when I'm taking a crap, ya know because that's where people talk, and she'll say, "euww you stink".  I tell her "then why don't  you GET OUT, I didn't invite you in."  When all the kids were little I didn't even bother closing the door, so obviously to her it's still an open door policy.

So, I'm in the shower the other day, and as I was walking toward the bathroom I noticed she was getting ready to play a computer game.  One that she's played before and needs her username and password for...which I thought she'd written down.  Anyway..I'm in the shower, bathroom door is shut( I know fucking irresistible I might be having a great party in there, by myself, in the shower), I here her barge in..."Mom! What's the password for your email?".  

Me: "Why?"

Her: " I can't remember my password for blahblahblah.com so I had it emailed to you"

Me: "You're just going to have to wait til I get out, I'm not giving you my password" (Not even if Hell actually froze over dear)

Me: "isn't it (*&*)(*& or &%^$^%&%^" 

Her: "I'm not sure I'll go check"

I continue washing my hair, blah blah blah, 2 minutes later, she barges in again.

"Mom! How do you spell bruise?"

Me: "B R U I S E" ( I think to myself, which your going to acquire if you keep coming in here *not for real of course for all the freaks out there who like to tell people how to parent*)

3 minutes later, "Mom! how much longer are you going to be in there, cause I don't know the password and I can't get into your email?"

Me:  "I'll get out when I'm (Goddamned) good and ready quit buggin' me!" I actually didn't say that swear word out loud but it sounded REALLY good in my head.

I get to finish my shower after that w/o anymore company, ya know the whole two minutes I had left after this whole conversation.  I get out wrap up in a towel and head out to help her w/ the damnedable password issue.  Notice that she's not only logged into said game, but is of course playing away, hence no more disturbances.  So I asked her if she remembered the password, she said, "Nope, you left your computer logged into your email so I just check it on there."  I was all GRRrrrr!  She says, "What??(shoulder shrug)..I didn't mean to, I typed in gmail and it just popped up, so I figured I'd just check it and not bother you."  Hmmm, little snot!  I guess it's a good thing it wasn't BEFORE Christmas when all the shipping confirmation emails were coming in.  MUST remember NOT to leave PC logged in when I walk away. 

Whoever woke me up...

I see these things on facebook all the time and I don't usually "share" them because it gets to be annoying, but this one I had to share...and then I had to blog about it.  Here's why.  I'm a light sleeper, any noise can wake me up, and unfortunately as soon as I wake up, my brain thinks it's time to hit the ground running, no matter what time it is.  So if I get woke up in the middle of the night, by anyone or anything I can be awake for HOURS just trying to shut off my hot, stinking, BRAIN!(Ren and Stimpy reference, if you know it you will laugh).  I think about stupid shit, and heavy stuff, and just utter crap like: did I put my Nook on the charger, did I turn off the kitchen light..is the door locked, what if we have (insert meal here) for dinner tonight, is the dog in the house, did I forget to pay that bill??????  It drives me insane, and then inevitably I have to pee, which only leads to me being MORE awake. It's SO FRUSTRATING!  Also my husband snores like a bear, not just any old bear, not a baby bear, like a 10ft GRIZZLY BEAR on a rampage, in a thunderstorm, behind a semi truck, being pulled by a tractor....are ya getting the picture?  We don't live in a large house, or one of those McMansion type homes, we live in a small ranch.  I've tried every room in this house at night, there is NO WHERE I can go and not hear him snoring.  I've tried ear plugs, yep it lessens the noise but I can still hear it.  So short of smothering him w/ a pillow in his sleep(and BELIEVE me the thought has crossed my mind) or having him sleep in the garage, I'm just screwed.  So last night I slept in my oldest sons bed because he's at his dad's for the weekend.  It was at least a little quieter, the Hub has a Dr. appt. for tomorrow morning to talk to him about a CPAP machine, I can't take it anymore.  This picture actually made me LOL this morning...maybe it's the sleep deprivation.

UPS Fail

Is this how you expect to get a package from UPS?

My husband's cousin lives in Florida, she had contacted me and asked if she could mail him some old family photos.  Of course I said, "Yes and here's our address...".  So a few days before Christmas I come home from work to see this box sitting outside the side door of my house.  What thaaaaa?   At first I thought our crazy dog ripped into it while she was outside as it was INSIDE the fence.  This was also a shocker cause our normal UPS man never comes inside our fence and leaves anything, he's left it hanging from the fence by one of their standard issue clear bags, but never inside.  Then after I thought about it, our psycho dog would have dragged it all over the yard, played w/ all of the contents, and the missing pieces would have been in the yard w/ dog slobber all over them.  GROSS but true.  So I take it in the house, because yea...it's Michigan in the winter..too cold to stand out here playing CSI, and inspect it further to see what happened.  I couldn't imagine that UPS would actually deliver it in that condition.  So I get in the house, pull out my crime scene kit...ok not really, look at the box a little closer and see what looks like teeth marks.  Not only on the outside near the edges of the hole, but inside on the other items still left in there(a Christmas card, a picture in a frame, and a note).  I show it to my husband and he pulls out the note, meanwhile I decided that it must be damage from rats (giant EUUUWWW here), luckily there were no droppings cause I woulda tossed that thing and all the contents w/ it.  Hubby pulls out the card and read it, lots of nice things and "hope you enjoy the peanut brittle if it doesn't get all broken up on the way there".  Then we both had to crack up, cause there was absolutely NO TRACE of peanut brittle in that box.  Something sure enjoyed it, but it wasn't us.   I've always felt fairly safe shipping anything via UPS despite all the crappy stories you hear about them. However, I have to say, I'll think long and hard before I used them to ship anything again, especially food.  I can't believe they didn't at least wrap it in a plastic bag or something, WTH?  What if it was raining? the contents would have been ruined!  Stupid UPS

I don't like to cook...but baking..

I don't like to cook, it's just so annoying.  You come up w/ this great meal idea, you slave over it for hours(ok maybe a half  an hour) bring your beautiful steaming creation to the table so excited, bursting w/ joy and ready to dig in.  You put it down in front of the kids and they first thing you hear is "I ain't eatin' that!", then it's "what's that white stuff?", "why are there carrots in it?" "I'm havin' cereal!".  Why does anyone want to cook?

In order to cook you have to use dishes, I hate to do dishes, so I try to make things that use as little dishes as possible. Who wants to spend there time scrubbin' pots and pans and eighteen different bowls, and forty different knives.  Gimme one bowl, one knife and stand back!  I can cook, I'm good at it when I want to be.  I learned to cook because I like to eat good food, but on to bigger and better things...

I do enjoy baking, so tonight I whipped up some Amish Friendship Bread (it's a pdf) because the starter was ready and smells so wonderful and delicious baking you can't even imagine. This is like Heaven in your kitchen, I shit you not.  It's so good even my pickiest kid LOVES it!  He went sneaking past me just a minuted ago and spotted the fresh loaves cooling on top of the stove, he stopped took two steps back and said, "Is thaaat Friendship bread?  F-for Usssss?"  I said, "Yep!" and I swear he nearly peed in his pants (he's 10 so that would be weird).   They all come running, it's like crack!  Just look at it!

There is just nothing better on a cold night than this stuff.  I don't know if it's actually Amish or that's just some made of story but SOMEbody knew what they were doing when they thought up this stuff.  Fresh and warm from the oven, put a little butter on it and VOILA!  Your very own crack bread!

Oh yeah, it ain't easy, you have to use the starter (link to make your own)that you would traditionally get from your "friend" and it takes 10 days for that to mature and be ready to back.  When it's done you end up w/ four starters and 2 of the most delicious loaves of bread you'll ever eat.  You're supposed to share one loaf I guess, but umm...that doesn't always happen it's just that good.

Because I love books

I love books, I do, I'm a voracious reader.  I'll read anything, if I'm bored I'll read instruction manuals...it's just what I do.  Books are sacred, you don't write in them, you don't throw them away, you don't mistreat them, you just don't.  I held out on this whole e-reader revolution for a long time, I love my books they way they are.  I don't have to charge them, I can read them anywhere, I don't need wi-fi, just a trip to the library and the book world is at my fingertips.  I didn't want an e-reader, in fact I told my husband, "whatever you do, don't ever buy me one of those things."

   UNTIL, the Nook tablet came out.  Of course first I heard about the Kindle Fire, and I was intrigued and then while doing research (because I have to know ALL the pros, cons and specs before I buy anything) I found the Nook Tablet.  After MUCH deliberation, I got my oldest son one for Christmas thinking he can use it for college textbooks next fall.  He loved it, and showed me all the cool stuff it can do.  I wanted one.  So I decided that I would save up my Christmas money and buy myself one.  Shortly after the first of the year, I purchased mine.

  I love it, I do, here's the thing... I don't understand why the ebooks are so expensive?  If you buy a paperback book instead of a hard cover it's cheaper, so why isn't an ebook cheaper than a paperback?  Seems logical to me.  I don't care if I own it forever, I own a physical book forever, unless I get rid of it, so what's the difference?  It's not anymore portable than a real book and it doesn't cost anything to print, there's nothing to ship, so  in buying it you're really just paying royalties.  Do authors get higher royalties for ebooks? I know I can still use the library it just seems like more of a hassle to use than to just drive to the library run in and grab a book, that I can renew over and over if I want.  The e-library seems so complicated, and I still love the feel of a physical book, the smell of the paper, the feel of the paper, the weight of the book.  I suppose I'll just be torn between the two worlds until physical books are totally obsolete.

PC Hell!

I have an OLD PC, and I mean OOOOLLLDDD...by industry standards.  This one was bought sometime in 2002.  Yep that's 10 years folks.  It's driving me CRAZY!!!  I think this year I resolve to buy a new one w/ tax money.
I no longer shut it down every night because it takes too long to start back up in the morning.  It lags, it freezes, it doesn't play videos smoothly, and just generally pisses me off. You've heard of Molasses in January, yea I think this is slower.   The scrolling is getting worse and worse by the day, I have to wait for each website to completely load in order to scroll through it or it will scroll a little ways and then freeze and you can't do anything. I let the kids use it occasionally (they have their own ancient PC) and they play games on it, and then it's pretty much shot for the day, they've used up all the possible computing capability it can muster.  I swear I hear it groaning every time they touch the keyboard.  I also have this GIANT old monitor that is from anther PC after mine died, it's a 19 inch and it's gianormous, it takes up more than half my desk so that my keyboard barely fits.
I don't have a laptop, I think I would like one, but I don't know I've had one before EONS ago and I didn't really care for it all that much.  I just bought myself a Nook Tablet w/ my Christmas money and I love that, but it's really more like a cell phone than a PC.  It's great for on the go, but for serious business(you know like facebook, email, blogger) it's not the best.  It's an ereader w/ internet capability and that's all it's supposed to be.  On the edge of throwing this thing out the window!

Pinterest?

Well I keep seeing links to this Pinterest website, I finally decided to see what the heck it was...Yea, I'll probably get into it and use it...why not?   So I was reading through all the F.A.Q.'s and saw a link that said, "Pinterest Etiquette".  I read it just for kicks and here's rule number 3:

Avoid Self Promotion

Pinterest is designed to curate and share things you love. If there is a photo or project you’re proud of, pin away! However, try not to use Pinterest purely as a tool for self-promotion.

Really?...it's pretty obvious that's what Pinterest is all about, you showing other people what YOU like. Obviously there are those that are going to post there online businesses all over that place, in fact I've seen it.  I found this rule VERY funny and ironic.   Now I'm seeing in my trends to the right here as I type Pinterest blog posts..one of which is "Feed your creativity and Cultivate your brain" Whoops, that should be "bran" as it's spelled wrong on the other blog title.  I guess their "bran" hasn't been cultivated enough yet.  Idk it's looks like one big online bookmark source that other people can see to me.  I guess it might be a good place for me to put all those recipes that I'll never make but look delicious. Maybe I can learn how to cook my "bran".

Automated phone CALLS?

This is something I find HIGHLY, and I mean HIGHLY(like bust out my nine put a cap y' ass) annoying.  Today I get a phone call from blah blah blah... I answer it.  It's a recording, "this is so and so, from what's it's nut, we've been trying to get a hold of you, please call us back at ***- ****, thank you." click.  WTF?!  You don't even have the time to pick up the phone an call me and you expect ME to call YOU back? Not likely.

WTF moments

DH was watching the news and me being in the next room I was passively listening.  So I hear this woman start talking about her disability called Ectrodactyly (link to wikipedia) and because of this she only has one digit on each of her appendages.  Ok sorry to hear about your luck.  THEN I hear her start talking about her kids, 2 of the 3 have the same problem.  SO I looked it up, it's pretty darned hereditary.  WHY on God's green earth would you go ahead and decide to have kids knowing what the odds are(not good) of passing this on?  Are there not enough beautiful adoptable children in this world?  You can even pick the age and sex of an adopted child, and guess what? They're not going to inherit this defect.  She was all..."it's a gift, I tell people not to berate their children for staring, I just know we have this chance to teach people about this defect...blah blah blah.."  Do you also tell them not to yell at their kid for picking on your kids that you purposely cursed w/ this disease?  I'm still in shock over this 'article' on the Today Show.  I wonder if her two sons think it's a gift too, I wonder if their dad thinks so, sure he probably agrees with her to her face, but what does he really think?  Not only is this defect hereditary but other defects can come with it, blindness, hearing loss, growth impairment, microcephaly, craniofacial manifestations, hernias and mental retardation.  I'm sorry but I would adopt a hundred kids before I'd risk passing ANY of those things on to my children.  Some people are just selfish I guess.  Of course the news made her out to be some kind of frickin hero.  Yikes.

Washing machine cleaner? really?

So I just got an email from Tide, because I use Tide and I'm fond of coupons I signed up for their mailing list, and it was an advertisement for Tide washing machine cleaner . Hmmmm...because my washer is not clean when my clothes are done, but my laundry is?  One of the reviewers says, "Nice clean scent, that leaves my washer smelling great".  OK I don't know what the hell you are washing but my washer always smells great after I take the clean clothes out and put them in the dryer. Strange how that works.  I thought they were nuts when they came out with Tide Coldwater.  Hello! does anyone remember the Cheer commercials from the 90's?  Cheer works great in all temperatures, so guess what, Tide decided they did too.  WAY back then I know...some of you were still in diapers so you have no idea that you don't have to buy cold water Tide to wash your clothes in cold water.  Here's another shocker, I do it all the time w/ my regular Tide and they come out just and clean...and get this! Smelling fresh too, EVEN THE WASHER SMELLS FRESH! Imagine that.  Are we really that gullible?  Lord help us.  One more thing for the road, because I know I've left you wondering what other products you've been duped on.  I only EVER fill the Tide cap to the "1" line because any more than that is a waste of soap AND all six of us have clean clothes, crazy I know.  Try not to be to distracted thinking about this today, it's a lot to take in.

Who the hell are the Kardashians and why does anyone care?

I don't watch a lot of TV and when I do there are certain shows that I enjoy, gossip tv shows are not among them.  So on the radio every morning I hear about these Kardashian poeple and wonder who the hell they are for about 3 seconds and then decide I don't give a crap and move on.  Unfortunately they keep getting thrown in my face.  I hear about them in the morning (nearly every morning!) on my way to drop kids off at school, I hear about them later in the day while I'm at work.  I browse through the "guide" on the TV and I see there are whole shows about them.  WTH?!  What I'd like to know is since I've never heard of them before is how did they get 'famous' and why does the world care about keeping up w/ them?  What is their claim to fame?  As far as I can tell from the radio and the gossip rags in line at the grocery store, one had a kid, one got married w/ an exorbitant wedding, and from what I understand she's also getting divorced now a few months later?  Why does it matter, sounds like an episode of Jerry Springer.  Maybe I don't want to know because in the end I don't really give a rats patootie, I just find it so odd.

Why are Ugg boots(or knockoffs) so popular?

They are called Ugg's for a reason, they are fugly.  I can't count the hords of white trash looking sheeple that walk through the local grocery store in Ugg-ish boots and pajama pants.  WTH?  Can you not be bothered to put on clothes and footwear that doesn't look like slippers?  They aren't even functional, they are supposed to be winter boots and yet they are made out of some suede material that gets wet if the snow is too deep and then they are wet all the way through...FAIL.  Then they will also have salt marks when they dry out AND...and! they are ridiculously expensive for the -probablylessthan5minutes- it takes to make them.

Not mine..stole the pic from some online source, but I rest my case.

They seem to be highly popular w/ teens and now of course w/ the trickle down effect, little girls.  I refuse to buy my daughter any, and I sure as hell won't own any myself.  I guess I'm just too practical but winter boots have a purpose, to keep your feet WARM and DRY.  I'm old enough to remember Moon boots and they were ALL the rage, I had some( I was quite young, didn't ask for them, it's just what my mother bought me) they were in fact warm...WHEN they were dry.  They didn't stay dry for long.  I actually hated those boots in a very short amount of time.  Anyway, back to Uggs...just stop following the herd and be you, chances are you think they are ugly too, you just wear them because everybody else does.