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Sunday, December 18, 2011

The presents are wrapped! (well...most of them)

When I was a kid I used to LOVE LOVE LOVE wrapping presents, it was my favorite part about Christmas.  When were old enough that we didn't believe in Santa anymore my Mom would let me help wrap my siblings presents and I was in heaven.  Wrapping so carefully, making sure the corners were neat and the bows and tags matched.  I loved it.

 Then I grew up and had kids.

You know w/ the first kid's first Christmas you want it to be amazing. When really the kid isn't even gonna know what to do w/ the present let alone that there's actually something inside that you think they need, cause let's face it at that age the only thing they need are fresh diapers and food.  So you go out of your way to make all (why does a baby need more than one present?) the gifts looks special, ribbons, bows, tags, fun wrapping paper til it looks like Martha Stewart puked Christmas all over your living room.  You finally drag your exhausted butt to bed around 1:00 am and the baby wakes you up again at 2:00 for the nightly feeding, or just because you were too damn loud and woke him/her up.  If you're lucky you make it back to sleep before said kid drags your butt out of bed again at 4:00 am for another feeding and clean diaper.  You figure "well hell, we're already up lets open presents!" because at this point you're more excited about it than the kid.    You help them unwrap the presents, the kid goes for the box the toy comes in and plays w/ it all day, could care less about the toy that every parenting magazine on the planet suggested for "stimulating entertainment" guaranteed to make your babies I.Q. go through the roof any second.

Second kid, you're still trying to be Martha Stewart, but you know it ain't gonna happen and go to bed at midnight after a wine cooler chaser to your milk and cookies. You're down to screw the ribbons, stick on some bows and tags(cause now you have TWO kids them tags are IMPORTANT!). Christmas morning, same thing, the box is better than the toy, only now the kids are fighting over the biggest box cause it's ones "fort" and the others "garage", heaven help us.

Third kid, you were exhausted when you woke up this morning so there's no point in staying up past 10:00, nobody really likes milk and cookies that late at night.  Take a bite of a cookie spit it in the trash dump some milk down the drain.  Throw some bows in the general direction of the presents, hopefully they'll look good..yea take that Martha Stewart...all that and I still look good and got to bed before you BIOTCH!

Fourth kid, there's no end to your state of exhaustion, you're not sure whether you're just getting up or just going to bed, fuck Martha Stewart and the horse she rode in on.  Cutesy wrapping paper...huh?  That's why God invented gift bags there's one of those suckers for every size present!  Hot wheels... no problem, Barbie problem, problem, Pony...hell yeah bring it.  Bows you say?  WTH? Why waste time w/ that the kids are just gonna tear through everything like a freakin' hurricane and it all goes in the trash anyway.  10 minutes tops...and guess what?  The freakin' box is still more fun than the presents:

SO I just got done wrapping presents again this year, no there are no bows, they don't look like anything Martha Stewart would even bother to glance at. There are still of course a few gifts on the way here from the Gods at Amazon who decided to ship 4 items in 3 boxes even though all items were in stock and shipped on the same day....what do I care it's their dime, I got FREE shipping baby!  They have Christmas paper or gift bags or a combination and of course there are those ALL IMPORTANT gift tags...cause yeah when you have four kids the tag is the LAW.   I'm sure the kids will be scarred for life but so far I haven't heard any complaints...they're still playin' in the box.

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