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Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Valentine's Day...why not blog about it?

The holiday that sucks.
I'm not single I'm married...for a long time, or at least it feels that way.  I don't really care for Valentine's Day, I think it's stupid, but somewhere in the back of my mind there's that teenage girl that's a hopeless romantic that is hoping for something amazing to happen on that day.  Of course that girl gets shit on all the time, so she gets smaller and smaller every year.  I also have four kids and I'm really really sick of the stupid parties.  All of them have outgrown it now at school except the youngest, my daughter.  

I'm not quite sure how it happened, I'm clinging to the temporary moment of insanity theory, but I volunteered to help w/ Valentine's brunch for her class(and another class, the teachers kind of co-teach).  WHAT the hell was I thinking?  I really need to not sign this shit when I'm not paying attention.   My daughter signed me up to bring two dozen eggs, great..I should have just left it at that.  Drop off job is done.  Oh no. I signed that little slip of paper saying that I would be there from 8:30 to 10:00 in the morning.  First mistake.  

So V-day morning I get up late, my oldest son didn't want to brush his hair(he's 17) because he wants dreadlocks and I think that's utterly stupid and told him until he's 18 his head belongs to me, dreadlocks=shaving your head while you're sleeping.  He was being a shit about it, so I brushed his hair(it's long, like, past his shoulders) and I WAS NOT nice about it, my daughter would have been screaming, but he was trying to prove a point I guess cause he didn't make a peep.  Then he didn't want to drive, he's got his learner's permit and has to do 50 hours of driving in 6 months.  SO we were late getting moving, so it made me late getting back, so I can take the little ones to school.  My daughter wanted complicated hair do, her hair braided into a heart and then pony-tailed, similar to this:
This isn't my daughter, it's from this blog

So it took me a while, and we left late of course.  I at this point was feeling a little overwhelmed, I was frustrated that I didn't have the kid's Valentine's cards from us ready for them in the morning.  I didn't even really know what I was going to do for them for V-day yet, and I knew I was going to be at DD's school til it was time for me to leave for work, then after work I had to take her directly to practice, so there's NO chance I was gonna have any time to do anything at any point.  I don't do much, but they always get a card and it's always on the table in the morning.  GRR!  

Get to school ALMOST on close!  Then I find out, we are COOKING all this food, and they aren't even eating until 10:00 WHAT?!  Now let's just stop here a minute.  "All this food"  you know all those over achieving moms that go all nuts for this type of crap.  I'm not one of them.  Teacher says bring 2 dozen eggs..that's all I'm bringing..not 2 dozen eggs, and 2 dozen hand made cards, 2 dozen painfully perfect cupcakes..etc.  So I'm standing around along w/ the 10 other parents who signed up for this shit w/ their eyes closed..Ok maybe 5 of us did that, the other 5 LIVE FOR THIS SHIT.  I'm standing around waiting to be assigned a task.  While I'm standing there I'm looking at the food we are about to prepare for lets say 48 second and third graders(rough estimate).  There are 5 and a half DOZEN eggs, at least 14 boxes of French Toast sticks, several dozen muffins, 5 bags of bagels, 2 bunches of bananas, 10 lbs of apples, 5 pounds of sausage, salsa, sour cream + more.  THEN the teacher sends one of the parents out to buy MORE sausage and bagels!  WTH?! These kids are NOT going to eat all of this.  Some of the parents brought in griddles to cook eggs on, great.  Guess what? There are not enough plugs in the hall, so they have to cook in the library.  One of the griddles has a grease well, w/ channels along the sides to catch the grease.  Apparently the parent that was cooking eggs on that one, didn't realize that it needed to be hot BEFORE you pour the runny eggs on, because the eggs wen running down the channels and out the bottom and onto the library carpet...Nice work.

So there are three griddles going cooking the 5 and a half dozen scrambled eggs.  Two microwaves going cooking French toast sticks(Yuck! if you don't cook them in the oven they are nasty), 5 crock pots going to keep everything warm once it's heated up, and 9(cause I was not one of them) parents running around like chickens w/ their heads cut off.  This was sincerely THE most unorganized party I've been to yet.  I had to leave at 10:00 to go to work, so I have no idea what time the kids finally ate, but my daughter's lunch came home untouched, so I imagine it was about lunch time.  Why do they need this much food?  The picky little shits are gonna take one look at it most of the food and go.."euuwww I'm not eatin' that!"  or they'll pick on the kid next to them FOR eating that.  

Go to work, I love work, there are occasionally kids there because I work retail, but I'm not their mother so I only have to deal w/ them for a short time and then the little beasts go home...Thank you God.  One of the girls got us all small boxes of chocolates and one of the guys got all us girls small boxes of chocolates *happy face*.  One of the girls got roses from her husband..she's the nicest person I ever met, so I guess she deserved them more than me...*evil grin*   I had decided I was just gonna get the kids a card and put $5 in it(because I usually get them chocolates, which they evidently don't really care for cause I always see them sitting around for days uneaten, Blasphemy I know..uneaten chocolate)...however I left the $20 I was going to change out at work, at home.  DAMN DAMN And DOUBLE DAMN...where the hell am I gonna get change?  Not to mention I didn't even have the cards yet.

  Leave work, still stressing about getting change AND cards..uh huh 4:00pm on V-day...not smart to wait this long.  THE ONLY place to stop on the way home between work and getting the kids is Dollar General in the hood... or dear Lord why did I wait this long.  So I stop in there, pull out my nines and walk in w/ guns blazing...Oh...wait, different story...AMAZINGLY there are four cards that'll do, and one funny one for my husband...I loved that card(on the outside it had a bunch of flowers and said, "This card will bring tears to your eyes" on the inside it said.."Because I farted in it!  Happy Valentines day anyway"  ROTFL!.  I also managed to grab the $20 on the way by my house and they gave me change.... HALLELUJAH!!!  Dropped my daughter and her friend at practice, dropped my 3 boys at home, went back to practice and finished the cards.. .V-day saved!  Got home, gave the kids their cards, gave the DH his.  He says.. "I didn't get you anything.." I say, "Oh, yes you did, you got me Breaking Dawn...just what I wanted!" (I bought it for myself of course)...He made a pouty face.  Ha ha more shitty V-day gifts for me, I'll just buy what I want!  I half thought about sending myself flowers at work, but I thought he MAAAAY have done that...of course I was wrong.


  1. Oh I love you!!! I bought my copy of Breaking Dawn on Saturday, does that count as early Valentine's Day? Does you daughter's school not have a kitchen? I am a lunch lady and we always let the moms use the kitchen, it is much easier (but then you wouldn't have such a great story to tell). And by the way, I do you know how many overachieving mom's I see on a daily basis with their freaking Bento lunch box kids, HATE THEM!!!

  2. LOL yes, the damn Bento boxes, who has time for that shit? Yes, they have a kitchen but the whole school district is really freaky about anyone using the kitchens in any of the schools. You have to sign up for it ahead of time, you have to pay a member of the kitchen staff to oversee everything, you have to sign your name in blood, and sleep w/ the know...that kind of stuff. I say it definitely counts as an early V-day gift :D You earned it!

    1. Oh goodness, what a pain in the ass for you guys. And the image of sleeping with the Supt. gross!!!!! I am eating breakfast here!!!! Haha you watched the special features on Breaking Dawn yet? Loved the wedding video.

  3. Ugh..I know! Hope you made it through breakfast :D No, I haven't gotten a chance to watch the bonus stuff from Breaking Dawn yet...eventually I'll get to it.