You know it's that time again...actually it's getting past time, it's taken me this long to get around to this. You know it's time because everyone you know who has a daughter is bugging you about Girl Scout Cookies. It's all over facebook, it's in front of every store you visit, and of course there's a ton of folks at work who want you to buy from THEIR kid. I had one guy at work as me if I would buy some from his daughter, and I said "no" and he started whining (really!) and said..."awww come on, she's the cutest little brownie ever.." Believe me it took all the control in my body to not tell him what I really thought(but I do have to work w/ this guy). I just said "no thanks", when I really wanted to say, "Listen Jackass, First of all I don't want the stupid over priced ratty ass cookies. I can assure you I don't think you're daughter is as cute as you think she is, and guess where she learned to whine like bad brake pad? Hmmm. Second of all, my daughter was a Brownie an quit because her leader was a FLAKE extraordinaire and SHE was obviously the cutest little Brownie ever...DUH! So get t' steppin' and don't let the door hit ya where the Good Lord split ya!"
I get it, it's their biggest and bestest fundraiser, but here's my beef w/ the situation. THEY ARE SUCH A RIPOFF!! It seems like every year they get MORE expensive and you get LESS cookies. When I was in high school they were $2.50 a box, sometimes before that I remember my Mom paying $2 a box. They went up to $3 a box, and then $3.50...are they still $3.50? Shit they're probably up to $20 a box at this point, and you get two cookies!
The only ones I really like are the Samoas, and until last year I had no other choice but to bend over and take it up the tail pipe and pay for the little pieces of chocolate, caramel, coconut heaven. I would go through the cookie isle just hoping, cause hell..you can buy knock-offs of all the other disgusting cookies...why not the Samoas? So as I kept looking and hoping one day I saw these:
I tell you I nearly PEED myself right there in the isle...DEAR LORD has it finally happened?! So I bought me a box for ...wait...you won't believe this...$1.99!!! I grabbed those suckers and I didn't even pay for them before I opened them and ate one, I admit it. Guess what? They are Samoa heaven! No more $3.50 a box for 9 tiny ass cookies, no more stuck waiting til cookie season, no more having to buy several boxes to hopefully make the last more than a weekend(remember I have four kids). In my head I'm picturing the war scene from Braveheart..you know the one w/ Mel on his horse screaming, "FREEEEEEEDOM!" I have been liberated from the Girl Scout Monopoly! Look at these lovelies!
That's 3 columns of 6!! You actually get 18 cookies!
You know you want one!
Is it a good program, Girl Scouts? Sure, probably w/ the right leader, but was does having them pimpin' cookies really teach them? How to be a good sales person? How to get your parents to take the order form to work so you don't have to do anything? How to achieve the shitty dollar store prizes? I don't know...but I'm not buying them. Next time I see them, I might give them a cash donation, if I have cash, but I won't be buyin' cookies.