They had the beginning of the idea anyway. While separate beds would be great, I'm thinking separate rooms would be the ultimate AWESOME. Here's why:
1. I hate walking into my bedroom and it smells like shit because my husband got there first and has been farting like a bean-fed cowboy for at least an hour. You can spray air freshener but then it just smells like shit and flowers, and that's not real conducive to sleep either.
2. Keep your body OFF my side of the bed. Don't touch my pillow, my side of the blankets..NOTHING!
3. Even if he isn't farting he stinks, guys pretty much just smell like ass all the time I've discovered, and the ass smell permeates the whole room.
4. I don't want to cuddle, EVER, not before sex, not after sex, just never, stay the hell away from me. No I do not want your hot sweaty arm thrown over me while you are sleeping, I feel like a caged animal AND it's too hot, just no.
5. Snoring, I think I've mentioned before that my husband snores, like a grizzly bear and no , that's NOT an understatement. Well we thought we fixed that w/ the CPAP machine..and yes it did fixed the snoring, that is BLISS. HOWEVER, when he gets up in the middle of the night to pee, if he doesn't turn it off it sounds like the TV left on while the cable box is turned off. STATIC EXTREMELY LOUD STATIC!!! I've asked him nicely not to leave it on, he still does it. Next time it happens I'm throwing the damn machine out the window! At least the snoring is not his fault, being inconsiderate is a WHOLE OTHER issue! So not only am I awake in the middle of the night, but instantly MAD AS HELL Because he left it on, so I know I will be awake for hours. Last night this happened. 3:27 am. Still awake. I counted backwards from 100 3 times. I prayed for everyone on the planet and then prayed for sleep, and then prayed for patience so I wouldn't smother him in his sleep. I read a book. Finally I just got up...what the hell is the point. Look out world I got my bitch shoes on and I ain't afraid to stomp on you w/ them!
IF my house was big enough for me to have my own room I would totally be sleeping in it tonight!
I really needed a good laugh today. THANK YOU!!! this was hilarious:)
ReplyDeleteI hear ya girl! Can I get an AMEN? My husband smells like yeast or something. It's like lying next to a loaf of Wonder bread. And I. do. not. want. him. near. me. Don't touch me, I'm sleeping. Why don't they get it? Every woman I know says the same thing. I wanna just get the Hubby a love doll so I can get some damn sleep already! This post is a riot and right on the money!
ReplyDeleteAMEN! LOL yes, a love doll, or SOMETHING! I know a VERY few women to don't agree...ya know like 2, but the rest are all right there w/ me :D
DeleteI feel your pain. I have a spare room, and there have been times (10+ x's a night usually) that it is calling my name. I even painted it a beauuuuutiful dark purple and fancied it up. Buuuuut If I venture into there overnight, i will probably move in. The only reason that I'm not in there is.....no tv.
ReplyDeleteIt's especially annoying for me, cause my husband before he retired, was usually out of town overnight several times a week. Now he's home 24/7. I JUST WANT TO BE ALONE ---- once in awhile. It's a good thing we live in a multi level house. Or I would be a real bitch 24/7...instead of 12/7. AND LEAVE MY PILLOWS ALONE. Is that too much to ask for? grrrrr
Oh that sucks, I feel your pain, my husband is on disability so he's here 24/7 too. Currently I'm laid off, so it's like a bomb waiting for a match around here. Got a lead on another job, hoping and praying for that one. NEED to get out of the house!
DeleteI made my husband read your blurb....just to prove that I'm not the only one who is possessive (is that spelled right....??)about a pillow. I don't like everything to match, so I have two different pillow shams and he ALWAYS has MINE under his head when I catch him sprawled on the bed watching his stupid ass sports. ITS FOR SHOW ONLY......LEAVE IT ALONE GRRR
ReplyDeleteLOL good for you! My husband thinks I'm crazy too :D Oh well, great minds(or maybe that's female minds) think a like.
Deletelol......too too much funny :D
ReplyDelete